Shaming, not "sexting," was behind Jesse Logan's suicide
I'm furious about the way this young woman's story is being reported. Jesse Logan killed herself last July not because of the "dangers of sexting" but because of the dangers of sex stigma and "slut shaming." She had sent some naked photos of herself to her boyfriend by cell phone. When they broke up he showed those photos to other people at their high school. Some of those people then visciously shamed and bullied Jesse. But to read this MSNBC story you would think that it was her sending of the photos that was so dangerous.
Slut shaming works because girls are told to be sexy but not sexually active. I don't know whether Jesse had ever even had sex with the boyfriend to whom she sent the pictures. It doesn't matter. What matters is that words like "slut" and "whore" were hurled at her and that those words are understood to be condemnations. They should not be, yet they are, and the same attached to them caused Logan such pain that she began skipping school, spiraled into a deep depression and, after a friend of hers committed suicide, she did the same, hanging herself in her closet. What a tragically symbolic end for someone whose privacy had been so violated.
Jesse's mom Cynthia is still struggling with her grief, and that makes it all the more appalling that someone like Parry Aftab, Internet safety guru, would use a moment on national television last Friday to recruit her into efforts to further stigmatize teen sexual activity. Here's the MSNBC report on their exchange :
Aftab said that it is normal kids just like Jesse who fall victim to the perils of the Internet and the easy exchange of information on cell phones.
“We talked about her being a good kid, a normal kid. Those are most of the ones that are sending out those images,” she said. “Forty-four percent of the boys say that they’ve seen sexual images of girls in their school, and about 15 percent of them are disseminating those images when they break up with the girls.”
Aftab asked Logan to join her in her fight against the electronic exploitation of kids. “I’m going to get her involved in a huge campaign to allow kids to understand the consequences of this and allow schools to understand what they need to do to keep our kids alive,” she said.
Aftab turned to Logan to see if she would help.
“Absolutely,” she said.
Jesse Logan did not fall victim to the "perils of the Internet". She feel victim to the perils of cruel high schoolers who used our culture's negative messages about women's sexuality to shame her mercilessly over something that lots of teens do. This was not about the "electronic exploitation of kids." This was about ordinary teenage exploration and unfortunately also about ordinary teenage cruelty.
What schools need to do to keep kids alive is to teach respect and tolerance. They need to respond to bullying. They need to provide real sex education that includes lessons on emotional health and relationships. The exploiting of Cynthia Logan's grief to magnify the moral panic around kids and sex and the Internet is going to help no one.
H/t to Anthony Kennerson via Twitter for a link to this Womanist Musings post that credits this post on Shakesville.
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Excellent post
So Much To Teach
As the father of an amazing teenage daughter, the article reminds me that we have so much to teach our children: about privacy and respect for themselves and others, about honesty in relationships and sexuality, about openness, and subtlety in our sexuality.
Much of that we parents can teach by being models, and living our own lives that way. We have along way to go with the gender issues and sexuality.
Yeah, this is not about "sexting" at all.
Youth, sexting, porn
It seems to me there are a number of different issues intertwined in this problem. Each issue impacts on the other.
Youth are still developing emotionally and cognitively which means they may not view a variety of topics in the same way an adult might. Sending a sexual text, whether it is written or visual assumes the sender has a level of trust in the receiver. An adolescent may place this trust more easily than an adult might.
It is an oxymoron that a youth under 18 who iniates the circulation of a sexually explicit pic on the internet or via cell is guilty of distributing pornography, but is also a victim of child pornography. Some common sense should be brought to play here, there should be consideration given to the intent and age of the sender; and responsibility should also be placed with the individual(s) who received the communication. The correspondence went to them and they chose to circulate it. Additionally, it seems appropriate to consider "did the sender send a picture of themselves or of someone else?"
As an educator and parent I am only too aware of the type of bullying and labeling which adolescents inflict on themselves and on each other. Our schools need to be more active in both teaching and role modeling respect, gender equity, appropriate physical/emotional boundaries and teaching both adults and children more effective bully "management" skills and strategies.
Navigating adolescence is challenging enough without children being charged with distributing child pornography when they are the child who is being abused. Children and youth need to truly understand that once something is out in cyber space it is "out there" and no longer private.
The internet, Facebook, MSN, cell phones...have all contributed to new venues for bullying which we, the adults, have never experienced first hand. We need to understand the dynamic and offer youth constructive and realistic strategies to deal with the challenges they face.
Technology and judgement
GeminiGirl, I'm always glad when you drop by! Your comment makes me think about Einstein's statement about technology outpacing humanity. It strikes me that with adolescents technology allows now for the kinds of play and exchange that has always been a part of development (I'll show you mine if you show me yours) to have implications that were simply not present before digital recording technology and social networking. What before was a fleeting moment of exciting interaction is now recorded and transmittable to many people who were not intended to be part of the original exchange. Adults make mistakes in judgement all the time when it comes to trust. Those mistakes are all the more likely among people with much less experience to draw on.
As you say, the challenges are in helping teens navigate these new social spaces and in teaching respect, equity, and personal boundary setting.
Seeing the cultural of fear and moral panic that emerges around the Internet and teen sexuality makes me afraid that the larger and more important lessons you identify are being lost by the wayside.
...because public space really matters!
Elizabeth
When I was a teenager, only
When I was a teenager, only 10 years ago, I never would have sent nude photos of myself to anyone over the phone or internet. I was not a prude or a goody-goody, but I had been taught by my parents that to do so was dangerous.
Where are the parents? Teach your children not to put themselves in a situation where this could possibly happen.
technology and parenting (and other complications)
Technology presents problems for many parents. Some don't fully understand the capabilities or mechanics of the technology their kids are using and can't really offer meaningful guidance other than the alarmist "Beware! Danger!" messages that generally don't resonate very well.
In addition, it has become increasingly the case that in two parent households both parents need to work full time and commutes have become longer as people move farther from work to find affordable housing. In single parent households these time conflicts are magnified. Kids need plenty of guidance and supervision, and so do teens, but to simply say "where are the parents" is to miss the structural factors that pull parents away.
...because public space really matters!
Elizabeth
Jesse Logan and Depression
What happened to this girl is horrible and is also hypocritical. We live in USA that is sex crazied. In Europe this would not have been a problem. The rate of depression is growing in the United States..we promote sex everywhere but act like saints when young people respond to the sexual messages we promote. I do not balme the youth they are suffering depression, Self harm and suicidal thoughts at record levels
It is not just the youth..Depression is up in ALL segment of sociey!
18 million Americans are on antidepressants!
We need to give the kids something to believe in ..they have no hope
We fight for the depressed and suicidal every day at Spirit happy
I feel so sorry for Jesse Logan !
we did a post on her too and how this world will drive you to depression and how to fight back http://spirithappy.wordpress.com/2009/05/15/ways-to-kill-yourself-jesse-logan-and-you/
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