Interview with Lady Jayla: On being outed as a provider

Rebecca Deos's picture


Rebecca Deos

I met Lady Jayla online, on a message board for sex workers, when I had put out a call to sex workers who were outted and wished to tell their story. Immediately, Lady Jayla responded, which began a dialogue with myself, Jayla and Elizabeth.

Very quickly I felt a connection with Jayla, and her story, and was a bit suprised at how we shared many of the same emotional responses to our situations.

Jayla has a career in the medical field, and has two grown daughters, both of which have limited their contact with her since they found out about her sex work.

Click here to read the interview.


RD: How long have you been a provider?


LJ: I've been a provider since Oct of 07.

How or why did you begin?

For the extra money, and I love to fuck. I liked having the extra money in my pocket, and the ability to take my daughters shopping, and not have the guilt of having to say "I can't afford it"

How did you find out that someone had exposed your identity? 

I found out when my daughter called me and told me she visited all my websites and pictures. I was at work and went out for a break, and my daughter was on the phone crying hysterically. Of course, I thought it was an accident of something wrong. My daughter asked if there was anything I needed to tell her and of course, I just played dumb. I told her I did have some stolen picturess that made their way to the internet, and they had my bio info on the back. My daughter didn't believe it, and still wants no contact with me.

Did it take long to figure out who had outed you, or were you even concerned about that?

I knew EXACTLY who did this to me and my family. It was a group of providers I had befriended,had gained my trust, and so they knew personal info about me and my family. Over the course of our relationship, I had given her information on my children,as friends typically do. She was like a queen bee of a group of girls, and disliked the fact that I didn't need to be a provider to exist, and took a disliking to me. Looking back, she fed me alot of bad information, including how I should not be voicing my opinion, and never disagreeing to a potential client. To me, that was never who I was, and could not operate that way. I've always been honest with clients, and they have always responded by liking the equal exchange of ideas and opinions. Her comment to me was that I wasn't following the "rules".

Was there anyone who came to your aid or offered support?

One provider came to my aid and closed my websites and one very special hobbyist helped a great deal. He would call me in the morning, check on me, and make sure that I got out of bed and started my day.

Do you think its the nature of the business that causes girls to treat each other this way?

I think its the nature of a woman's personality. Women treat this way both in and out of the industry.

Emotionally, how has this effected you?

It has taken everything away, and threw a lot of guilt on me. If I wasn't doing this, I would still have my family intact. But as a woman, when do you do things for yourself, and when do I become the priority? I liked the independence and having cash on hand. Being outted changed me, not being a provider. Even from before I became a provider, I always look at everyone as a jackass, and never fully trusted anyone until they were able to prove me wrong. Since being outted, I dont trust anyone.

I have had the similar effect. Although the people that found out about me weren't close to me, I'm much more cautious around people that I have ever been.

I'm very personable, I make aquaintences quickly, and it's easy. But when I came home I crumbled up in a ball. Everyone knew I was depressed, and my boss at the time, in my real world job, hooked me up with a therapist. But even the therapist recieved the sugar coated version. So everything that was truly going on, I really kept to myself. It was the hobbiest friend who called me everyday that helped the most.

What is your thought on what these girls did?

Even the mob doesn't fuck with family, so I still do not understand why.

Looking back, is there anything you would have done differently to protect yourself?

I wouldn't have given personal info out so readily thinking women that are providers can be your friends.

What types of resources do you wish were available?

A forum of other girls in the same position. Meeting you and Elizabeth has been very helpful, by letting me talk to people that understand, and therapeutic, especially since I can talk openly and not give a sugar coated version.

What would you tell other girls just thinking about getting into the business? 

Make a list of priorities, what you love and what it is worth to you. Then make sure you understand you cuold lose it all if you are found out.

If you could go back and change things what would be one thing you would change ?

I would have kept my face blurred on my photos.I now keep my face blurred so I can deny it if I'm confronted.

I'd like to thank Elizabeth for the opportunity to interview Jay. In our conversations, I was impressed by the similarities of our experiences, especially the range of emotions we both shared. From my own perspective, the opportunity to speak with someone that had a similar experience was not only therapeutic, but eye opening as well. Jay and I both seemed to share a similar type of mourning, that something almost unexplainable had been taken away, and things were now in some way different.

Luckily for Jayla and I, we had both found ways to coping, and were fortunate enough to find some sort of support.

There are many sex workers out there that face similar situations, and without any sort of support base. Emotionally, it is very unsafe for anyone to suffer a trauma and have that magnified by isolation. We have seen too many cases, in all facets of life, where trauma and isolation become a breeding ground for abuse. There is a clear need for a support structure that sex workers can reach out and recieve support. I look forward to working with Elizabeth, Jay and many others on building a safety net for sex workers.