Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love and the Sensual Years

PHEW...i was worried she was my mother!!! i have over the years begun to feel, although it's never been discussed, that my mom has quite a strong libido. i wonder if that could be a genetic thing or whether it is social conditioning?? or both?

Welcome, Supercrone! And for those who would like to take you up on your invitation, here is the link to Supercrone's Gather.com space:

http://supercrone.gather.com

It certainly is an interesting space!

(Supercrone is Dame Ruth, aka Ruth Dickson, who wrote "Married men make the best lovers," a bestseller back in 1967 and whose new book is called "Life, Death and Other Trivia" and can be found on Lulu.com.

As the author of the above-mentioned blog (as well as eight books, six of which are sex-based) I would like to invite you all to visit me at both wordpress and Gather.com for more outrageous opinions and observations of a shameless octogenarian.

i just found this blog....absolutely amazing and inspiring!!!

http://supercrone.wordpress.com/2007/11/20/sex/

 

sex!!

Now that I have your attention, what I really want to talk about is…. sex. I’ve discovered that, contrary to popular opinion, the carnal urge does not decrease with age. Even after a quad bypass, raging emphysema, sags and wrinkles where once there were lithe curves, I’m as lustful now as I was forty years ago

 

i haven't read the book, just the review on this site, so am chiming in just to add my two cents (actually it's more like ten dollars).

between the ages of 59.25  to 60.25, i dated 26 men, all met on two internet dating sites.

-- none of the men was an alcoholic, none was younger than i, none was creepy.

-- they were mostly pretty wacky & eccentric, which is why they made great blog material.  one of them remains a friend.

-- i was picky about dating and picky about sex.

-- before i met my boyfriend, five months ago (and 367 days after i started dating), i only had what could be called a 'relationship' with one of the other 25 men, and he's the one who's still a friend.

-- so i would say i had pretty good luck, but then, i was fairly single-minded in my pursuit of a partner (though i was working fulltime and still am).  i didn't join an exercise club or start an exercise program; i just walked a lot.  i didn't dye my hair; i just found someone who was really good at blow-drying it.  i didn't buy expensive clothes, but i did buy a lot of them (am wearing them all these days, when i don't have time for shopping because my social life is so much better).  and with the exception of two men from a nearby city,  i met all of them in new york.

-- on my blog, sexagenarian and the city  http://sexagenarian07.wordpress.com  i talk about why sex with men in their 60s and early 70s is so good (quick answer: they've been married a lot and divorced a lot, ergo they've had lots of experience in pleasing many different women).  They are so much better than men in their 20s, 30s, and 40s!  Yes, i'm only talking about 3 men total, but they were a great 3.

It would have been fun to have compared notes with Pepper Schwartz while we were both dating.   Possibly we could have recycled a few of the men, though it sounds as if our tastes are somewhat different.

NB my boyfriend is almost 71...since the day i met him, i haven't wanted to be with anyone else.   for the story of how i turned down sex with the man i dated the day before i met the b/f, see

http://sexagenarian07.wordpress.com/2007/06/28/feast-or-famine-in-the-dating-world-a-final-conversation-with-man-1-and-the-implications-of-global-warming-for-dating-in-new-york/

I was working...and a night shift on a sunday no less!!!

I think the comments about privilege being an extra not a necessity of having an exciting sex life past 50 are very true. I think one of the lessons learned with age is to focus on one's own pleasure and less on what anyone else may or may not be doing. after years of wonderful experimentation, one's own particular fetishes and turn on's become comfortable and ingrained.

I don't think it's true that women become more sexual as they age, I think young women who enjoy sex become older women who STILL enjoy sex! They just learn more about their bodies, their responses and gain confidence.

Of course I think it's worth saying that this applies to women who are now in middle age...meaning raised in the 50's-70's. It will be different discussion when today's young women reach middle age, I would guess they may have different issues...

Pepper Schwartz, welcome to Sex in the Public Square. I'm so glad you are joining us for a few days!

 

This is a wonderful review of my book and I am honored and grateful, I would , however, like to say a few words about privilege. For the record, most of the adventures in this book could be had by any woman of any class. I don't think the larger message should get lost: that women can create adventure, romance and sexual satisfaction in their middle years-- and they hardly have to go to Bali to do so. (In fact, I did not have any adventures in Bali- I went there to write the book- not to be with someone.) Furthermore, the main place I stayed in Bali was sixty five dollars a night- pretty reasonable for almost any one compared to most hotels. I was a guest of the fabulous Aman resorts because I was writing this book and also a travel book ( Perfect Places for Passion-- working on it now!) and they are indeed fantasy places that only people of means can stay in ( and travel writers). But my great luck at staying in them has nothing to do with my larger message - enjoying our sensuality and sexuality all of our lives, and especially in our fifities, sixties and beyond! Pepper Schwartz

 

TracyA, I'd love to hear more of your stories. Do you keep a blog related to those experiences? One of the things I'm finding so valuable in women's blogging these days is the way that their blogs really add to what we know now about subjects that just didn't get talked about much before. Like, for instance, middle aged women's sexual experiences post-divorce, or sans marriage in general.

reading this review, reminds me of my own journey through the post divorce middle age dating scene.... personal ads looking for love and/or sex, online chatrooms, online dating, anonymous meetings...

Dr. Pepper Schwartz writes with the best of intentions. Prime is perhaps one of the most heartfelt and honest attempts to help women understand that midlife can be – perhaps has to be – the sexual prime of life. In this respect, Prime deserves the same praise as Betty Friedan’s Fountain of Age (Simon & Schuster, 1993) Friedan’s agenda was similar to Pepper Schwartz’s. Years ago, she reminded her readers that old age should be anadventure. Prime is significant because it gives older women the hope and confidence they need to make their lives sensual and lush.

i volunteer to write the working class version of prime, it would not include massages in bali but it would be as erotic and life transforming. mine ends in a very comitted relationship with the man who started out as my master 5 years ago.

albeit in a cold, rainy foreign country...