Of course I agree that sex -- especially open discussion of sex in all its diversity -- belongs in the public square. And I absolutely agree that much of what people think of as unruly (BDSM for example) is actually very orderly. In some ways it is simply the substitution of one set of restrictive norms for another. And then, I continue to agree that the kind of "you do what you want, I'll do what I want, and we'll stay out of each others way" kind of libertarian attitude you describe is only good in so far as it allows people freedom. It is destructive in that it separates people from each other and keeps sex in the realm of the private. (The "What you do in your own bedroom is your business" kind of thing.)

It's a fascinating discussion really. After all, the "You can do what you want in the privacy of your own bedroom" logic is part of what got us the Lawrence v. Texas decision, which I absolutely applaud.

On a separate but related note: You also mention anarchist "rejection of representation," and that makes me think about the way that identity politics has been a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, we wouldn't likely have movements like the women's rights movement or the civil rights movement or the gay rights movement without a strong dose of identity politics. And yet at the same time I would love to deconstruct our sense of sexual orientation as an identity category because then we reinforce the "reality" of differences between groups when we have way more in common than divides us. Yet, how else do we make sure that we get minority groups equal rights?

"The people that matter are the people in the room the people that show up" - let's get a lot more of those people over here! :)
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...because public space really matters!

Elizabeth