I read this post a few days ago and it's taken me some time to realize why it bothered me. And it bothered me because I found your treatment  of Michelle Vitt unfair.

I myself have a sex life I would guess you, JanieBelle, would approve of. I first kissed at thirteen, gave my first blowjob at fifteen, lost my virginity at sixteen, tasted my first pussy at seventeen, and since then have kissed, touched, groped, licked, frottaged, sixty-nined, buttfucked, spelunked and fucked more people than I can exactly recall. I've enjoyed a great lot of it, but I would never, ever say that there are moments I don't regret.

Nor would I suggest that my way is the way for everyone. I have two very close friends who are both virgins for religious reasons. We don't see eye to eye on sex, but it doesn't stand in the way of my respecting them or their respecting me. They know I write a sex blog, and they know I am paid to write about sex for national magazines. They are supportive of me, and I support them, and we recognize that while there are limits to how much we have in common in this set of choices, we love and cherish the parts of life we do share.

It really bothers me to see writers who consider themselves sex positive slam people whose choices differ from their own. You would never, ever castigate a person on this site who chose to celebrate her anniversary with a gang-bang, nor would you make fun of a man who dresses in girly-girl clothing, complete with ruffled panties. There is a whole broad spectrum of sexual activity that you would rightly champion in the name of sexual freedom. And yet, you have no problem calling a woman who has made the choice not to kiss "brainwashed" and "not capable of making an informed personal decision."

I admit it: I am no fan of the religious right. I'll never be waving a big foam finger for the people who want to take away Plan B, birth control, abortion rights, daycare funding, and evolution. That said, nothing Michelle did or said, according to your piece, impinged at all on anyone's rights. Not yours and not mine.

It's Michelle's decision to deny herself kissing until marriage. Is it a decision that I would make myself? Obviously not. Is it one that I can even understand? Not so much. But is it a decision that hurts anyone else? Not at all.

And at the end of the day, I like to save my scorn for those people whose decisions do hurt others, not people like Michelle, who hasn't.

best to you,

chelsea g summers