This is a very positive vision and I applaud it. I think my partner and I have been lucky to find ourselves connected to a small group that includes other committed dyads and some ethical, respectful singles to engage in bdsm play and some sallies into non-monogamy. The size of the group matters, I think, and contributes to everyone's ability to assess the other's ethics. And I'd say that age is a factor but not a reliable indicator of maturity. Unfortunately, this is never a perfect game and it is risky. People's "issues" and relationship status changes over time and that's a wild card in the process. Of course, monogamous couples face the same uncertainty but I think the sex-positive do play with live ammunition. I'd like to throw in this little provocation: What do we think of kink's continued portrayal as an "exploration," a "voyage," or a "discovery?" The whole terra incognito metaphor seems to work for lots of people, but it isn't for me. Sure, it's a learning experience to get into poly or kink, especially the more challenging bdsm aspects, and I suppose the metaphor avails itself of the uncertainty of it all. But really, in my experience, "exploration" doesn't cover it. These are relationships, not continents. The terrain is affective and personal, not geographic. To make a new sexual relationship is a choice, an act, a creation, not a discovery of some preexisting condition or place. Isn't there a better metaphor out there? We aren't conquistadors, we're architects.
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RC McCloud also writes at The Safe Word