It's such a great example of how a word we use all the time, taking its meaning for granted, can be the cause of so much misinterpretation! You're so right that we need to be explicit in talking about what counts as sex for us as individuals. Once you get past the "penis-vagina intercourse" definition, there is so much that is possible to count as sex that its easy to see how partners in sexual relationships could end up having serious troubles if their definitions aren't in synch.

I'm curious, Lolita, about the five specific acts that you and your partners set out as "sex" for the purposes of your relationship. It's not so much that I want to know what they are -- though of course I do! -- but that I'm curious about what kind of negotiation, if any, was required in deciding how to put some acts in that group and exclude others. That process of dialogue and negotiation can be a tricky but necessary one for people who want to maintain any kind of sustained sexual relationship.

...because public space really matters!

Elizabeth