I find this question extremely interesting because, frankly, it is the depiction of men (as sort of detached objects symbolic of virility) and, contrastively, the depiction of women (as mindless vessels who can't wait to be penetrated or taken) in heterosexual pornography that turns me off to hetero porn. What eats at me, whenever I come across these images on the internet, is that they provide support to the image of men as takers and women as givers, an image that rears its ugly head in so much public media that it is an implicitly-reinforced assumption - in hetero sex, men are the takers.

I'm not sure about your (barkingstar's) points concerning "most women" - I can't say I have a statistical knowledge of this - but I certainly feel as an individual that the men portrayed in hetero pornography are men I would want to stay away from, and those images certainly don't turn me on. I think that the inflated market for that kind of sex depiction is the result of the message to heterosexuals that our culture provides, that women should make themselves attractive and sexually open, and that men should 'have at 'em.'

So, in terms of "Where are the real guys," I think by real guys you mean a variety of types of guys, as opposed to just one, whose personalities and sexual interests are visible in the sexual act in porn. As you say, you "certainly DON'T fit the image of "male" portrayed in most porn." I think you can find a wider variety of types of men in gay porn, but in hetero porn, sadly, stands to support messages of male dominance, so I think many men will not find images of themselves there. I think hetero porn makes it easy and, in fact, desirable, for young men to model themselves (sexually) after those images, instead of wondering, as you did, where the real guys are.

Please, everyone, tell me what you think!

h.k.