Sex In The Public Square - Teens and sex - Comments

All I can suggest is make

Brad — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 20:41:58 -0700

All I can suggest is make sure you've got a safeword. When it comes to choking and breath control play, obviously safewords aren't an option, so you have to do something else that means "STOP!" Personally, I find pinching works best.

SK: sorry for the much delayed response

Elizabeth — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 19:02:30 -0800

I don't know how this escaped my notice for so long. SK, one thing I would say to you right from the start is that safety and communication and respect are key. I can tell very little about you or your girlfriend or your relationship from your post, so I can offer very little by way of advice. I can tell you this: you should get some good books on sex (I highly recommend Heather Corinna's S.E.X.-- see our book reviews page, down on the book shelf part on the bottom for a link). You should also pick up a book on basic BDSM. One I like, though it isn't the only good one out there, is Jay Wiseman's SM 101.

People experiment. That's how they learn. But some things, like breath play for example, are pretty risky and probably not a great place to begin.

There is an awful lot of BDSM and sexual material on the Internet. When you say you can't find any, that strikes me as strange.

You and your girlfriend should spend some serious time talking to each other, too. Explore where your interests in BDSM come from. Talk about your fears, and about what excites you. Strong communication will help you think of "new things to try." But don't rush yourselves. You have plenty of time.

Meanwhile, the purpose of this site is to build community. Sometimes the less you give, the less the community can give back. You offer very little info that would help a person here respond to your questions. Full disclosure isn't necessary -- plenty of people write under pseudonyms and disguise parts of their identities especially when writing about sex -- but it helps to have some idea of who one is speaking to in order to formulate a clear response.

boo- hiss... mr o'reilly

tracya — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 11:20:39 -0800

my family have been going on about "fox" but living in england i just didn't get it....now i get it!!!

you would never see this discussion in the UK or europe. i'm a bit speechless except to say congratulations to the happy couple!

i'm sure they were more acceptable than a homosexual(male)couple, why is it that (american) society has such difficulty with gay men?

my daughter took photos for her high school yearbook so i know the thrust is to capture the "real" student life. i am completely comfortable with students showing their sexuality, whether they are experimenting or whether it becomes a way of life.

i was or attempted to be intimate with guys back in my high school days (70's) who weren't "able" to consummate~~~i later found out they were happy with other guys... at the time i was confused but it all seems so clear now, i almost wish i could say it's okay, you shouldn't have wasted your time with me~you should have been with tom, dick or harry!

ps. so proud ms berman is in chicago, my hometown!!!

Once again

JanieBelle — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 07:11:45 -0800

O'Reilly proves that logic and critical thinking are beyond his mental capacity.

Dr. Berman very clearly pinned him down on his inconsistent approach to different types of sexuality, and he was apparently more than happy to flaunt his ignorant stance that teenagers' sexuality should be subject to his religious censorship.

Once again, it all comes down to the press to create an American theocracy led by the fringe of the political right wing. No one is safe until the iron fist of the would-be Taliban is marginalized and castrated of its influence in every arena, from politics and policy to education and science.

Well, to begin with,

JanieBelle — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 06:42:50 -0800

we're not going to get anywhere until we can begin to change the general attitude that sex and sexuality are somehow bad or dirty (in a negative sense) or activities and attributes that should be hidden from view.

Until we (the royal we, the general public) acknowledge that teenagers have sex, that people have sex, that it's a good thing, to be celebrated in the open, we're going to continue to have insane, medieval laws like the one that put Genarlow Wilson in prison pushed on us by the self hating, reality denying snake charmers that occupy the pulpits of America.

How do we get there from here? We start at home. "Hey Sue, did you hear they finally let that Genarlow Wilson kid out of prison? Geez, what a mess they made of that. It still burns me that teenagers having sex is a crime though. Can you believe that? Why, right here in North Carolina, just the other day..."

Beyond that, I'm torn. As much as I despise the tactics of the repressive right, I'm not sure that waiting around until the Enlightenment arrives in fundy America is a viable plan. Whatever their ideological and mental failings, I have to admit that denigration, ridicule, and marginalization are effective tools in their toolbox. I admit to occasionally borrowing from their playbook in frustration. Then I shower.

CNN, Fox, and ads

JanieBelle — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 15:48:33 -0700

You're welcome Paul.

Yep, ads suck, FOX sucks, and ads on Fox really really suck. CNN sucks somewhat less, though they too seem to be getting worse about spicing up stories to make news where there is none.

Medication

JanieBelle — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 15:38:24 -0700

Don't they have pills for that now?

Also, I heard somewhere that you can now be re-virginized, but it involves surgery I think.

Where's my virginity?

Paul — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 09:58:26 -0700

Just like that, I lost my virginity? It was just a quick post. My post will be longer next time. I promise.

Thank you Elizabeth. I enjoy reading everything you have to say/write.

Keep up the great work,

Paul

CNN ads

Paul — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 08:04:00 -0700

Thank you for adding your links. I hate those ads also. I wanted people to see the big deal CNN was making over the commercials. I always thought CNN was a little looser than that. I would expect that reaction from FOX News.

Welcome, Paul

Elizabeth — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 20:29:47 -0700

Paul, I'm glad you've crossed the boundary and made your first post. You're no longer an SitPS virgin. Congratulations!

I haven't had time to check out the links you posted but I'm looking forward to doing that tomorrow. Thanks so much for posting them.

Welcome to the Square,

Elizabeth

P.S. to Paul

JanieBelle — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:26:28 -0700

The confidence commercial gave me a chuckle, but I forgot to say thanks for the link.

How rude of me. Thanks for the link.

Clearasil On YouTube

JanieBelle — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:20:57 -0700

Here's the YouTube link for one of them.

I have a nasty aversion to the ads CNN video forces you to watch if you want to see the videos, so I won't install the player.

Raunchy Clearasil ads?

Paul — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 11:39:13 -0700

I just wanted to share what I saw on CNN Prime News with Erica Hill. I figured it would fit here. "Provocative new ads for the acne cream Clearasil have parents upset. Erica Hill asks whether they're over the top."

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2007/09/10/hill.raunchy.clearasil.ads.affl

I found the commercials to be funny and smart. I think there are a lot of uptight people out there. This is my first post on the site. Hope it works. Love the site great job.

That's Great.

Kaylaface. — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 06:33:50 -0700

Wow. I think I should take a trip over there. =] If I do happen to come back to England, I'll give you a yell and we can go check out Amsterdam! =]

Man, That stuff makes me almost ashamed to live in America. ALMOST, though. Haha.

how they do it in holland

tracya — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 09:11:28 -0700

the dutch have been held up as the gold standard of teenage sex education.... they start early, it's open and honest, involves parents, and ties everything together with respecting yourself and your body!

THE DUTCH MODEL

Guus Valk, journalist based in the Netherlands, with additional reporting by the UNESCO Courier.

Early on, Dutch children learn about sexuality and contraception at school. Here, students in Almera, in northern Holland
With the highest use of contraception among young people worldwide, the Netherlands has attracted international attention

How would you react if your boyfriend refused to use a condom? How do your friends feel about condoms? Write down what you think they will answer and ask them if you were right.
This open talk is how some teachers in the Netherlands approach sexuality with students between 12 and 15 years old. Subsidised by the Dutch government, the “Lang leve de liefde” (“Long Live Love”) package was developed in the late 1980s, when Aids became recognised as a threatening health problem. “Aids was an impetus for sex education in schools,” says Jo Reinders of Soa-bestrijding, the Dutch foundation for STD (sexually transmitted diseases) control, which developed the package in consultation with churches, health officials and family planning organizations. “It forced teachers to become more explicit and to discuss norms and values using a participatory approach.”

here's a few more links for anyone who wants to read about sex ed in holland

http://www.teachers.tv/video/12119

http://www.unesco.org/courier/2000_07/uk/apprend2.htm

i absolutley was not educated like that and neither were my kids....in fact i can't see it happening in the states in general...but it should!!

and don't forget that the dutch have amsterdam...where sex and cannabis are freely available!

porn is there for enjoyment but i don't think it is a way to learn about human sexuality.

it's great to have your teenage perspective kaylaface!!! come to england and we'll hop over to amsterdam to see the giant dildos in the windows!!!

or maybe the condom shop! could you see one of these in walmart??? a condom testing machine

sorry didn't mean to get carried away and turn this into an tourist advertisement just have some time on my hands today!