Responsible Non-Monogamy

DDeviousSaul's picture

As a firm believer in the tenet that the human animal, such as we are, is not - nor was ever - geneteically predisposed to be monogamous, I am nevertheless a proponent of responsible non-monogamy as opposed to gratuitous, anonymous sexual encounters. While each may have its place, the former allows for the development of stronger and more vibrant relationship between partners who are on the same or similar pages when they embark on this journey.

As the host of a group that currently has 3000 sexually explorative member couples, I have been witness to most everything, bad and good, that might present itself in situations of this sort. I have seen couples blossom by coming out and opening themselves up to sexual exploration with others. Generally, these are couples with already strong bonds that are looking to expand their horizons by including others in their sex play - be they one time encounters or ongoing intimate relationships.

I will also postulate that while age is certainly not a determining factor in this I have seen a much higher success rate  with couples that are both emotionally and sexually mature as opposed to those still finding their center vis a vis their own sexuality.

At the same time, I have seen others, generally those in already distressed relationships, looking to salvage what they may have once had by experimenting with including others in their sex play. More often that not, these interactions are doomed to failure as the underlying issues and insecurities are only enhanced and exacerbated by this open exploration.

Just as no two people are exactly alike, certainly no two couples have the identical dynamic in their relationship. When you find someone(s) with enough synergistic qualities, the exploration takes on a life of its own and can develop into a thing of beauty. Strength of character, a good understanding of self and the ability to share are all helpful assets in making any encounter of this sort successful and enjoyable for all involved. Yet, many attempt to use this as an avenue to heal their own inability to effectively communicate and interact with one another and it just does not work that way.

I am curious as to others thoughts on this and welcome all responses and comments.