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any help and/or advice about rough kinky sex. iv been looking on the net but i cant find anyhting really helpfull. my girlfreind i finally getting to the point were shes being slowly more open sexually to me. and she likes to be slapped and chocked a little. and recently shes been slapping me and hitting/diggin into me. so i was just wondering if you have any thoughts or adivce on helping me be a better lover or suggestions on this she might like or something we might try. thanks
-Sexkid
I don't know how this escaped my notice for so long. SK, one thing I would say to you right from the start is that safety and communication and respect are key. I can tell very little about you or your girlfriend or your relationship from your post, so I can offer very little by way of advice. I can tell you this: you should get some good books on sex (I highly recommend Heather Corinna's S.E.X.-- see our book reviews page, down on the book shelf part on the bottom for a link). You should also pick up a book on basic BDSM. One I like, though it isn't the only good one out there, is Jay Wiseman's SM 101.
People experiment. That's how they learn. But some things, like breath play for example, are pretty risky and probably not a great place to begin.
There is an awful lot of BDSM and sexual material on the Internet. When you say you can't find any, that strikes me as strange.
You and your girlfriend should spend some serious time talking to each other, too. Explore where your interests in BDSM come from. Talk about your fears, and about what excites you. Strong communication will help you think of "new things to try." But don't rush yourselves. You have plenty of time.
Meanwhile, the purpose of this site is to build community. Sometimes the less you give, the less the community can give back. You offer very little info that would help a person here respond to your questions. Full disclosure isn't necessary -- plenty of people write under pseudonyms and disguise parts of their identities especially when writing about sex -- but it helps to have some idea of who one is speaking to in order to formulate a clear response.
...because public space really matters!
Elizabeth
All I can suggest is make sure you've got a safeword. When it comes to choking and breath control play, obviously safewords aren't an option, so you have to do something else that means "STOP!" Personally, I find pinching works best.
