Be heard on the issues that matter most to you!
...because public space really matters!
Elizabeth
OK, without sounding too defensive, let me share my two biggest reasons for calling in backup that day:
1. I was in fact cluess as to which of the eleventy billion "feminine hygene products" might work best for you, specifically. It's not like I have a lot of personal experience to go on.
2. I was concerned that you might not be comfortable shopping for those products with your Dad. It would have bothered me not at all.
Having a very good female friend who is a teen pregnancy counselor in a high school was certainly advantageous in that circumstance, and the fact that she's both very cool and quite a bit closer to your age would help ease your tension as I saw it.
If I had it to do over again, I think I would have had that talk with you much sooner. I was somewhat unprepared, but it snuck up on me. Sorry 'bout that, I hope I did OK.
:)
Feel free to read whatever's left of my own thoughts at Crowded Head, Cozy Bed
The Boy in JanieBelle's head
I can say that my parents never sat down and had "The Talk" with me. I first heard about sex way before my teenage years from a girl who had learned the information from an older cousin. Of course it was all incorrect (anal sex is not how one gets pregnant or gives birth) and in hindsight, that older cousin must have had a really good laugh spreading that info around.
This sort of thing wasn't exclusive to girls either; I clearly remember one young male peer speaking in awe/horror of what he'd heard from an older male relative about how boys will start to have "sticky stuff" come out of their penises, and how they will start to stick out on their own so everyone can see. It sounds amusing and exaggerated to me now but many boys I knew then were terrified that their penises would shoot "sticky stuff" at any moment and end in humiliation. My female peers (myself included) had similar fears of period blood gushing down their legs like a waterfall without warning. Ahh, the fifth grade was such a high-anxiety time.
I think that parents really need to get over their fears of talking about the subjects of puberty and sex, and need to start doing so earlier than the teenage years. I would have rather had a trusted adult tell me everything straight (despite my own unwillingness to talk about it at that age) instead of leaving us to half-truths spread around by teasing older siblings and cousins and vague information that left room for our imaginations to spin into something horrible. Parents also shouldn't always wait for the child to ask them first. I'm sure this depends heavily on the individual situation, but in my case at least I was trained to think my genitals were a dirty taboo subject from a very early age because of the attitudes I observed around me by adults, especially at school. I never even made it to the point of asking my parents anything because I was already so ashamed by it. My schools were abstinence-only, and I can say for certain that in my view this only increased our fear and shame about sex and our bodies. How would you feel if you were met constantly with a brick wall of silence from one of your major sources of trust and knowledge? You sure wouldn't develop a fondness for your body! At least I didn't. It took a painfully long time for me to get where I am today.
Though my parents didn't really speak to me much about sex until more recent years, my mother did buy my the "What's Happening to my Body?" book for girls. I was so disgusted by the pictures of genitals that I wouldn't even open the book for almost a year. Eventually I did though, and discovered some amazing things. I learned the word "masturbation", and to my great surprise I discovered that I had been "masturbating" for years already! I can't speak for whatever current edition the book is in, but I remember it being a very positive book that wasn't condescending and didn't treat sexual feelings and genitals like 'digusting' things. I still have the book and wouldn't dream of throwing it away, even though years later it is slightly outdated (STD info, etc). It was the first real step for me in overcoming my shame and self-loathing about my sexuality.
By the time I first experimented sexually with a partner (around 17-18) I was fairly well informed about safe practices, but psychologically I still did carry some self-loathing; enough that I refused to let him orally near my vagina because I felt it was 'dirty', despite having little qualm about myself going orally near his penis. After parting with him, I took a sexuality course at college, which surprisingly taught me that no, I didn't know everything there was to know about sex already :) That was a refreshing experience because I could finally talk openly in a school setting without being 'shut up'. The past few years for me have been a major period of self-discovery and throwing off the chains of shame about my own sexuality.
If I could offer any advice, I'd say that parents really need to take into account the psychological factors and not just the 'safe sex' practices (not to diminish their importance though!). Young teens and children can be very fragile about their body image and impressionable. They are NOT stupid. Ignoring the subject simply won't work; they WILL pick up on the silence and shame of adults and can interpret that as meaning their bodies and feelings are taboo and disgusting. I think that not only do kids and teens need to hear accurate information about puberty and sex, but also need to be treated with an open, comforting and respectful attitude. Whatever pace parents and teachers wish to take with a child's sexual education is totally up to them, but they should never be made to feel ignored and silenced. In my own personal opinion, being raised to feel GOOD about your body and sexuality is just as important as correct information about sexual safety and the mechanics of it. Both of those things, I feel, can pave the way for a healthy, safe, and enjoyable sex life later on.
