Exibitionism, voyeurism, play parties

Thinking about how mirror neurons work makes thinking about pornography and voyeurism all the more interesting, if not confusing. For any of you not familiar with our mirror neurons and how they function, have a look at a very good short little intro video from Nova Science Now
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/sciencenow/3204/01.html

Basically, when we watch someone else do something, our brain responds almost as if we are doing what we're watching -- we watch a dancer and our motor neurons fire, we watch someone smile or frown and our brain responds as if we're happy and smiling or frowning and fuming. Watching others is the way we learn how to function and behave in our culture, and, because we feel what others feel when we watch them, mirror neurons are also central to having empathy for others.

There's got to be a lot of varied opinion on this and I'd like to hear it.  I was at a party a few weekends ago that I fully expected to enjoy - frankly it seemed right out of a fantasy - enormous house, five rooms in an upstairs area designated as play areas, a great room suitable for dancing, a private yard and large deck with a clothing optional pool, a lot of people I knew or recognized, two friends on hand willing to play, good food, etc.  But I was extemely uncomfortable.  Surveying my friends all I got was "the vibe" was wrong.  Someone blamed the feng shui.  I thought the whole place was much too brightly lit and also seemed bachelor-pad grungy.  We didn't stay long.  What makes a play party work for you?