women

It appears the tolerance level of her neighbors was shorter than her dress. When 20-year old Kymberly Clem went to the Richmond Mall* wearing a dress she had bought there the day before, she apparently seemed too attractive to be allowed to stay. She was approached by a security guard who humiliated her and forced her to leave because he said that several women had complained to him that their husbands were staring at her. (For the basics, see these stories in the Richmond Register and Fox News. The Fox story includes a photo of the dress.)

Beautiful writing about personal sexual experience and the negotiation of "deep relationships and light relationships and predominantly sexual relationships and a few client relationships."

Tonight, ABC's 20/20 hit the streets looking for hookers & intending to cash in on the salacious sides of sex work ~ with Diane Sawyer as lead pimp, making her paycheck just another one of the profits earned from the poor, down-trodden, girls she herself called exploited.

Diane let us know from the start, with her Good Friday biblical references, that this was not actual news coverage nor anything remotely close to impartial reporting; and from that moment on both Secondhand Rose and myself, Gracie Passette, began typing furiously to one another ~ and no, 'furiously' wasn't our typing speed.

Here are our notes.

The two hour 20/20 was titled Prostitution in America: Working Girls Speak; apparently no one thought this ironic as Diane often interrupted her interviewees to put words in their mouths.

The conversation has begun.

Click here to join in.

You'll find our review of Prime and some early excchanges. As Pepper Schwartz says in her first comment here, her most important message is about the importnace of "enjoying our sensuality and sexuality all of our lives, and especially in our fifities, sixties and beyond!"

Are you a reader who can share your experience of sex and sensuality in our fifties, sixties and beyond? Mimi, that means you. And I know there are others! Or perhaps you are a reader anticipating that kind of experience in the future? Jump into the conversation! And men too -- don't be shy. After all, many of those experiences involve you!

Come, talk about sex and older women with Pepper Schwartz!

Starting this weekend, Pepper Schwartz will join us for a discussion of her new book, Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex and Love in the Sensual Years.

Please join us!

Jeffrey Rosenfeld reviewed the book for us here. We'd especially love to hear from people who have read the book, but all are welcome.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz is a noted sociologist specializing in sexuality. She has written over 40 academic research articles, and also many accessible books on sex and relationships including, including The Great Sex Weekend and Everything You Know About Sex and Love is Wrong, along other books aimed at helping people keep their sexual relationships interesting and vibrant. She has also written Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Sex and Character and 201 Question to Ask Your Kids / 201 Questions to Ask Your Parents, books that help parents talk about sex with their kids, Pepper Schwartz has dedicated her career to opening up sexuality as a realm of sociological study, but also to making that study useful and accessible to the public. In Prime, she does something academic-types rarely do under their own names: she reveals much about her own sex life, using her own experience as a prompt to offer advice to herself and to other women experiencing the dating and relationship-building world in their 50s.

This conversation marks the beginning of a new feature for us here in the Square. We're initiating a series of conversations with authors of the books we review, and we're thrilled that Pepper Schwartz has agreed to kick off the series for us.

The conversation will take place in the comments section of Jeff Rosenfeld's review. When we start, I'll put a direct link to the conversation on the sidebar of the site so you can get there quickly!

Reviewed by Jeff Rosenfeld, Ph.D.
Director, Gerontology Program, Hofstra University
Professor, Sociology, Nassau Community College

It may take just one village to raise a child. But Dr. Pepper Schwartz finds that it takes a few different villages to fully enjoy “The Sensual Years”: Earthy villages for sharing the joys and woes of that sensuality; and other, slightly more upscale villages, for staying energized and “lush”. The fact that we come to recognize these as separate villages is both the greatest strength and the greatest weakness of this important book.

Author:Dr. Pepper Schwartz

Publisher:Collins

Copyright:2007

ISBN:9780061173585

Pages:264

Review:

Reviewed by Jeff Rosenfeld, Ph.D.
Director, Gerontology Program, Hofstra University
Professor, Sociology, Nassau Community College

It may take just one village to raise a child. But Dr. Pepper Schwartz finds that it takes a few different villages to fully enjoy “The Sensual Years”: Earthy villages for sharing the joys and woes of that sensuality; and other, slightly more upscale villages, for staying energized and “lush”. The fact that we come to recognize these as separate villages is both the greatest strength and the greatest weakness of this important book.

Prime describes Pepper Schwartz’s personal quest for love and adventure after her divorce. She finds herself with a 25-year marriage behind her, and enough time, resources, and options to search for something new – and more fulfilling – for the years ahead. At one level, Prime describes her search for “... a life partner and sexual adventures along the way.” (p.1). But in addition, Dr. Schwartz has decided to make herself an exemplar for other women who are looking for more romance and sexual fulfillment in later life.

Prime gives Schwartz’s readers more than autobiography. Prime is also a primer on late-life sexuality. The message is simple but important. Being single and of “A Certain Age” is no reason to give-up on sex. Pepper Schwartz knows – and we should too, that “You can have sex, and can want sex, way into old age,” And Pepper Schwartz offers herself up as a role-model for women who want to own their sensuality.

Prime describes Pepper Schwartz’s personal quest for love and romance. There is Dennis (younger, into long sessions of role-play and eyes-wide-open sex), Hugh (huge hands, late-night phone-calls, lots of oral sex), Ted (angry that she would fake an orgasm with him), Mick (impotent in Dubai), 4-handed massage in Bali, and more.

The great value of Prime is that the sexual experience is always wrapped in its psychological and interpersonal trappings. Schwartz wants to create meaningful, honest relationships with her lovers, and takes us along as she does the psychological work. She strives for what she calls “Unity of purpose and meaning” (p. 177) with each of her lovers; and we as readers learn how the relationships play out. We watch as she falls in love with Dennis, only to learn that he does not want to date her exclusively. Later, in the book’s most chilling moment, there is the discovery that those late-night phone calls from Hugh were made under the influence – and unbeknownst to Schwartz, Hugh has been an alcoholic all along. Relationships which seem destined for partnerhood are suddenly terminated, and the unlikely one(s) become hotter than hell.

So far so good. This is an honest account of sensual encounters deepening and then unraveling. All along the way, Schwartz’s readers get advice on internet dating (Go slow, but Go For It!), faking orgasm (“Let honesty flourish”), staying lush and staying safe. It takes a village to accomplish this; and Schwartz wisely thanks the women in this important village: her female friends, her women’s group (The Clitoritti), her therapist, her daughter and, one would assume, her travel agent.

But Schwartz also visits other, more upscale villages to maintain her Prime. These are privileged places where Schwartz goes to tone her body, buy expensive shoes and shop for lingerie. There are the far-away cities where she attends conferences, writes chapters for her books, and sleeps in boutique hotels. And there are her trips to the island paradise of Bali. Prime opens with Pepper Schwartz on a beach in Bali, and closes with her advising readers to travel far and wide, even alone (p. 253). Prime was written or at least conceived (sic) on Bali. Can most of Schwartz’s readers ever hope to enjoy the beaches or spas of Bali? Can most even afford a get-away to Chicago or Miami Beach? This calls attention to the books greatest strength, but also its greatest weakness.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz writes with the best of intentions. Prime is perhaps one of the most heartfelt and honest attempts to help women understand that midlife can be – perhaps has to be – the sexual prime of life. In this respect, Prime deserves the same praise as Betty Friedan’s Fountain of Age (Simon & Schuster, 1993) Friedan’s agenda was similar to Pepper Schwartz’s. Years ago, she reminded her readers that old age should be anadventure. Prime is significant because it gives older women the hope and confidence they need to make their lives sensual and lush.

But even Friedan’s path-breaking book was limited by her focus on the privileged few --- those wealthy friends and accomplished acquaintances who had been able to create something “unusual” for themselves. Prime has the same limitations. Readers want to find a lifetime partner, and most of them probably want to have sexual adventures along the way. But most of the people who read this book will never have the time or money for 4-handed massages on Bali. The theme that women can find love, romance and sexual adventure at any age is big enough and important enough. It was not necessary for Schwartz to include so many details from her privileged life.

Readers can easily assume that they need to be wealthy, famous and well-connected in order to enjoy their Prime. There should be less discussion of the ultimate 4-handed massage in Bali, and more reminders in Prime that an hour with the local masseur, or masseuse, is better than nothing.

Related links: Order from Book Culture, an independent NYC book store

From Jeff Rosenfeld's review:

"The message is simple but important. Being single and of “A Certain Age” is no reason to give-up on sex. Pepper Schwartz knows – and we should too, that “You can have sex, and can want sex, way into old age,” And Pepper Schwartz offers herself up as a role-model for women who want to own their sensuality."

and... 

"The great value of Prime is that the sexual experience is always wrapped in its psychological and interpersonal trappings. Schwartz wants to create meaningful, honest relationships with her lovers, and takes us along as she does the psychological work."

and... 

"Prime deserves the same praise as Betty Friedan’s Fountain of Age (Simon & Schuster, 1993) Friedan’s agenda was similar to Pepper Schwartz’s. Years ago, she reminded her readers that old age should be anadventure. Prime is significant because it gives older women the hope and confidence they need to make their lives sensual and lush."

Click here to read the whole review!

For at least 10 years Rosa DeLauro (D-CT) has been trying to get legislation passed in Congress that would mandate insurance companies to pay for at least two nights of hospitalization for women having mastectomies. She has introduced her bill, called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act, five times. Each time it has been consigned to languish in committees.

This year she has agan reintroduced the bill. It is HR 758 this time around, and again it has been assigned to several committees. In fact, here's the list of committees to which it has been referred before action can be taken: