Chris's picture

The Ethics of Fantasy

Fetish Diva Midori, who's long been one of the smartest perverts on the scene, started a particularly interesting conversation on her Yahoo discussion group recently: are there fantasies that are, in themselves, unethical? Are there things that are such inherent breaches of morality that even if you never intend to act on them, that it's immoral even to fantasize about them?

From a sex-positive viewpoint, the immediate impulse is to say unambiguously, "NO!" The opposite answer has always been the hallmark of the puritans who police desire, and has destroyed more lives than can be counted. The idea that we have a right to our own desires as long as they either stay in our own heads or are acted out with consenting adults is the very core of the struggles for queer rights, for the acknowledgment of transgenderism, for the legitimacy of BDSM, and for the free manufacture and sale of pornography and sex toys of all kinds. It defines the difference between the people who see sexuality as normal and natural and those who see it as a dark, animal part of ourselves that we must transcend.

But I think that for most of us, no matter how expertly pervy and kinky and open-minded we are, the answer becomes more ambiguous once you start delving into particulars. For instance:

Elizabeth's picture

The Floating World

Edison, NJ

"A three-day celebration of the BDSM/fetish community"

Classes, workshops, parties, and socializing!

Open to people of all experience levels and all orientations.

Het - Gay- bi- Trans- BDSM - fantasy roleplay - anal play - spanking - sensuality - cuddle - fear play - spirituality - chastity - shibari bondage - pony and animal play - polyamory - more

Registration info and more at

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