Using the site

If you've visted your profile "edit" tab recently you'll have noticed that there is a place to enter your AIM or ICQ or Yahoo messenger user name. If you do this, your username will show up on your profile page and when you are logged in to your chat account that information will show up on your profile page, too.

There've certainly been times I've been online and seen that a member was online and wanted to ask a question about the site, for example, but we've had no way to do that except via email through the contact form on the profiles, which is not as immediate. I'm working on ways to help members of the site connect with each other, but it's important to me that you have complete control over how much information to share.

So, please only include information if you want others to see it. Your email address is always hidden from users and they can only contact you through the contact form if you've enabled that. But all your other profile information (passwords excepted of course!) is visible to all users.

Why not!

Profiles help us connect with each other. You can reveal as little or as much as you want, but if we're going to try building some community, it's more fun if we know a little bit about each other.

Also, the profiles are now searchable! Looking for people who share a common interest or who live in your area? Use the "Search" link in the main menu bar on the top of the page and select the "User Profiles" tab.

Need info on how to fill in your profile? Click here.

Profiles are always evolving, so check your "My account" area now and then to see if new fields have been added. And if there is info you'd like to see included in the profiles, please drop us a note and let us know!

So, last night I was trying to change the photo on my profile and deleted my entire account instead. (This caused all the content I had created to disappear -- or become disconnected from any user on the site, and so become invisible). I nearly destroyed the site. If you noticed that the site was offline for a while last night, that's why. (Chris has sworn to spank me in public for this, even though I fixed the problem before he got home from the theater, so you might want to plan to attend the launch party!)

Anyway, here's how easy it is to do, and how to avoid doing it:

There are two buttons at the bottom of your profile's "Edit" page. One says "submit" and the other says "delete." Let's say you want to delete the photo you've got there and replace it with another one. Do NOT accidentally or reflexively click "Delete." Always click "submit" for any change you make. And if you look at the page and don't make any changes, of course click "submit" to leave it as it is.

In general, where profiles are concerned, when in doubt: SUBMIT!

If you create an account on our site you can make a profile so that other users can learn more about you. If you are logged in then you should see your name on the left-hand side bar. The first item under your name is probably "My account." If you click that link you'll see a page dedicated to your own information. Click the "edit" tab and you'll see options like "account settings," "biographical information," and "interests." Fill in any of the information you feel like sharing.

If you'd like us to add new profile questions, drop them in the "Suggestion Box" forum! (Then visit your profile page regularly so that you can add more information as we add new questions.)

The short answer is "yes."

This is a community and as a community it needs to have some of what we sociologists call "norms" -- basic expectations about behavior that help the whole community run smoothly.

We won't tell you what you can and can't talk about. (As long as it's at least somehow, even marginally, connected to issues of sexuality. And really, what isn't?) If you have questions ask them. If you have ideas share them. Don't be shy.

We also won't tell you how you have to think. We encourage debate, disagreement, and dissent. We want a free exchange of ideas and we want that exchange of include lots of people. In order to make that possible, though, there are some basic rules of etiquette that we expect people to follow:

You don't need an account if what you really want to do is just read everything that gets posted on the site and leave comments on that material. (Your comments will be held for moderation to avoid any spam comments of course.) However, if you want to have a more active role in shaping the agenda of the site, you'll need to be logged in.

Here are some of the benefits of becoming a member of the site: